Couple grams short of a ounce

Trust

2011-05-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

At birth you are introduced to your mother, and father if your lucky. From that moment on you are constantly observing them and asking yourself why are they here. As a child you learn that your well being is your parents priority. When ever your hungry , uncomfortable, or in pain you seek for them so that you may receive proper attention. As you get older you may have a lot of question and your parents may withhold a lot information from you because you have not matured mentally, but eventually they will show you the way of the world through their perspectives. I am at the age where I appreciate the way in which I was raised. I have a love, and trust relationship with my parents even though i feel that I can withhold certain information from them. Lately I ask myself why do I withhold information? Why do I treat them unfairly? Their job is to make sure that I have a understanding on what is expected from me in life. So why am i not cooperating.

It is said that when you go to the doctors you are to be honest about everything. At first this seems odd since the doctor isn't a friend , or relative. In a matter of fact this person is a total stranger to you. The only difference is that his job is your well being. In order for him to properly diagnose/treat you he will need to know about your smoking habit, or history of unprotected sex. He is not a seer and he could only treat what he observes.

After focusing and analyzing my trust issues I have learned to apply them in a fair manner. I compare my introduction to my parents at birth to a first date with a potential girlfriend. I observe, and ask my self:
"Why is she here?"
"Does she need just sexual gratification?"
"Is she simply bored with nothing to do at home?"
" or could it be that she is interested in having a relationship with me?
At the same time I expect her to be thinking the same about me. The only difference between both introductions is that I am no longer a dependent, and incapable child. This should make life easier right? I mean I can express myself and give you an understanding of who I am and what I want.
In an ideal world we both should be able to express ourselves without withholding/ manipulating facts, or feelings. When I look at things from this perspective i feel betrayed when I'm lied to. I feel that this isn't going anywhere, and that i need to find someone who can genuinely express themselves.

My life is like a Sitcom

2009-09-10T09:05:00.000-07:00

Today i noticed that my life is like a sitcom. Sometimes i feel like Jerry from "Seinfeld". My life consists of a series of events that are unrelated yet affect one other.

A couple of months ago i was approached by a man that was fascinated by my name. He said my name had powerful meaning in his religion. Then he proceeded to ask about my ethnic background. When i explained to him that i was American/Dominican he was convinced that my background traces back to Israel. He explained that Dominicans are originally from Africa/Middle east, and that i could possibly belong to one of the twelve tribes. This was interesting to me since i am a very religious person believe it or not, also i have been having problems accepting that fact that i could be African, or even Black.

Ironically i have enrolled into the only available class that i need as an elective. This class is Black women in the Caribbean. Everything that this individual tried explaining to me was later clarified by my professor. She explained that the "modern" Dominican roots only trace back for about 100 years. This is something that fascinates me but confuses me a the same time. I am going to make the effort into reading more about this.

Now lets see where this leads to.

Change

2009-06-10T09:09:00.000-07:00

Lately Obama has motivated the world to make changes. I decided to make a couple of adjustments that I feel are necessary in my life. I am proud to say that I am Swine free as of January. I have also been watching what I eat. No diet just eating healthy. I have been hitting the gym up regularly for a couple of months now. By the end of the summer I should be able to take on Chuck Norris.

More changes soon to come

No hope

2009-04-21T09:44:00.000-07:00

Since I can remember I was always taught that humans will act accordingly to consequences/punishment. It makes sense but is this moral. As a young adult I have come to realize that I act accordingly to how many people get affected positively by my actions. I am a strong believer of the christian faith and I can see the purpose of religion in this world. Religion gives people a sense of being watched even while alone.

In NYC you see a lot of individuals that leave their hometown so they can live their life as they please with out being watched/judged by their families.
I am bothered by this. I use my family and friends expectations and morals as a guideline on how to live my life. I know I may seem a little too judgmental but that is how I was raised.

Now I am on a mission to find a female with the same mindset as me. I have come across countless number of females that disappoint me after I really get to know them. Once I look at someone a certain way its hard for me to ever look at them differently afterwards.

What you don't know wont hurt you???

My biggest fear in life is to think you know someone and not know them at all.

What I don't know hurts me.